Today I Begin
“Genuine beginnings begin within us, even when they are brought to our attention by external opportunities.” —William Bridges
I started this blog and titled it “Year of Dwennimen” because I had just gone through a very tough year with regard to relationships and dealing with “adult” things. I decided to break up with a man that I thought I was going to marry. Someone who I had spent 5 years of my life with, who had been a friend 4 years prior to the start of us being together. He had caused so much pain because of his own internal struggles with love and who was their for him and his inability to hold himself accountable for the things going on his life. I had to let go of a 7 year friendship that was never what I thought it was, and was also manipulative and conditional as my 5-year romantic relationship had been. Then, my closest friend of 4 years dropped off the face of the earth and removed me from her life accordingly, without a word of why when I hadn’t done anything at all but be a friend (we’re close again now, and it turned out to be a situation where she went inward for a few months and didn’t know how to communicate it at the time).
My support network was unraveling fast before my eyes. I was also navigating a very trying job where I felt like I was encouraged to be good but not *too* good. I was also taking on three positions that had been not-so-neatly combined into one position, and was expected to continue working miracles as the organization got itself through the storm.
I was 23 going through a lot of big-girl things all at once.